took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
