There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
