No stitches, just platelets and will power
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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