Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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