So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
