This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
