if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
