just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
