I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
