I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
