So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
