He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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