As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
