Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
