Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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