I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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