So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
