Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
