so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
