You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
