the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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