I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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