you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
