my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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