I'd wear matching sweaters with you
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
