I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
