we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
