why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
