you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you win again, gameday.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
