My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
