A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
