I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
