Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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