Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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