Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
