The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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