if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
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