white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
