White coat. Heels.
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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