So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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