There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
