Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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