Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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