I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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