Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
