I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
