Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
