: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
