just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
