Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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