i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
