when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
