We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
